As much as we wish it weren’t true, sadness and Christmas go hand in hand.
Last week I was listening to a song called Emmanuel by The Liturgists and Jason Morant. I listened while I moved from task to task around the house making beds, pulling laundry out of the washer and into the dryer. At one point while listening to the words of the song, I had to stop and lean against the wall. I wept there. Since that moment I’ve deemed this tune my favourite Christmas song for 2021. And there is a reason. It’s a sad song. And quite frankly, its been kind of a sad year. The haunting lyrics are deeply broken-hearted as they question where God is. If Emmanuel - God with us - came, where is He now?
We can answer that question theologically all day. He's at the right hand of God and He's mediating on our behalf and holding all things together. Which is all true and good. But what about when everything seems like it's falling apart. Where is He? Doesn't He feel far away? Listening to sad Christmas songs that ask the why and where questions help my soul. They don’t make me like Christmas any less. I love Christmas. And the sadness I feel doesn't change that. If anything it hightens my love even more.
But loving it doesn’t mean I don’t feel the very real pain around it. When so many traditions of the season are centered around community and family, we are bound to feel disappointed. Because people are disappointing. Relationships are strenuous and complicated. Past hurts bubble to the surface when looming gatherings approach. And what about all the loneliness for those without gatherings. Not to mention the ache we feel as we miss passed loved ones. The gaping hole of their presence for yet another holiday is a burden rarely unfelt as the tree is erected and plans are made.
Life is deeply upsetting a lot of the time. Especially of late. I can't tell you how many people I know are struggling with family tensions from a year of loyalty to opinion above relationship.
How do we not feel the sadness? It’s appropriate that we do. The impulse to stuff it or ignore it or wait for the holidays to be over to deal with it must be rejected. Because this is what Christmas is for. To celebrate a holy birth in the middle of the dread. Feel the pain and work through it with the story of Christ in hand. Recognize that the nature of His incarnation was one of difficulty. In fact His ultimate path would lead to His early death.
The story of Christ is one of pain. He was dropped from Heaven into political and socio-economic strife. His life and death, and even resurrection was riddled with relational trouble. He watched loved ones die and people fall from the truth. He felt the scourge of hate from His community. He knew loss and grief and the weight of people's unbelief. And He did it all holding anguish and hope perfectly together.
If there is any lie about the human journey it is that we have to feel one thing at a time. But we don’t. We can lament and be grateful. We can have joy and also experience grief. We can feel confused about our hardship along side having trust in the larger purpose of it all. We can hold both in tandem and to their fullest extent without fear of waywardness.
This is why I am a firm believer in doing all the Christmasy things when this time of year comes along. Because I believe it is possible to weep to a sad song and then laugh at a silly holiday movie, all in the same day. In fact I need to do both. I need all the pomp and circumstance of the season to balance out the sadness. I need the lights and decoration and gifts and good food and music to remind me that we are people of hope and celebration. I need it to remind me that although we endure much hardship and loss throughout the year, we can end it with good news.
It is, after all, this time of year when a dark world reaches desperately for the light. They need to be apart of it because life is hard and joy is compelling. In fact its so gripping non-christians will even belt out songs that profess “Christ is the Lord, then ever! ever praise we! His pow'r and glory, evermore proclaim!”
Which means if there is a willingness from the world to hop on board the light train, the Lord’s people ought to be the captains. Yes, we feel the sadness and weight of many woes. It sits right there in our hearts never leaving us. But our achy hearts remind us of the hope that is coming. All the deep longing for a better world is what carries us to the consummation of all things. To Christs second Advent splendour. All the grief from a year fraught with relational tension, disagreement and ugliness. With death and sickness, uncertainty and untruths.
With all of that, the light of the world bursts forth and calls us to see it. And although we see and feel the darkness, now there is also light.
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