Do We Really Think Empathy Is To Blame?

Nothing that we despise in other men is inherently absent from ourselves.

We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or don't do,

and more in light of what they suffer.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Empathy is in trouble these days. I've noticed a trend of suspicion around the topic and a lot of shots are being fired at those who practice empathy or see it as a godly practice. In these times of polarization and conflict, it's getting easier and easier to engage in friendly fire over increasingly stupid things. Things like empathy. Did you know that being empathetic puts you at risk of becoming a bible abandoning progressive? To some, this is a real concern.

And maybe this is a concern. So let's think about it.

First let's define it. Because empathy and compassion are extremely similar but they each have a different emphasis. However they both attempt to care for and respond to a person's feelings and suffering. Empathy endeavors to enter into and understand the feelings, while compassion tries to feel them and make the pain go away. Ultimately they are two sides of the same coin. In essence to practice both empathy and compassion would be to obey Paul in Romans 12:15, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep," and Galatians 6:2, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." And to fully understand 1 Corinthians 12:26, "If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together."

Uh oh, does this make Paul a progressive? Of course not. So what's the problem?

It's true that in our current era progressives tend to profess and preach the need for empathy more than those in the church. It's also true that those in the church that talk about it's importance often drift progressive. And in doing so, some have accepted an onslaught of sinful behaviors and perspectives in order to care for people. They think that in order to placate all their feelings they must call bad things good. Which, in turn, denegrate's parts of the church and undermines the authority of Scripture. This has fostered a posture in some that any disagreement or negative encounter with another person could be deemed as abusive or hateful.

Which is silly. And I agree whole-heartedly that this is an untenable and toxic way to live. In no way, should we encourage or model that kind of self-centered living. Nor do I believe it is loving to never address sin. Here's the question though, what came first? Was it empathy that created this problem? Or is it possible, that it was the lack of it? And is it also possible, that to live without empathy is equally self-centered?

Here's what I mean. Whether we like it or not, the church hasn't had a particularly great reputation of being compassionate to sufferer's in recent history. I could make a much better argument for christians being compassionate in the early church as they evaluated godliness by 7 marks of charity: 1) feeding the hungry; 2) giving water to the thirsty; 3) clothing the naked; 4) sheltering travelers; 5) caring for the sick; 6) ransoming the imprisoned; and 7) providing burial for the dead. But the 20th and 21'st century? It's tough. Unfortunately our recent church history is less known for the above and more known for our sexual abuse scandals, prosperity preoccupation, racism, political idolatry and prideful selfish ambition. Has the church done any recent good? Yes, of course. Quiet charity and good shepherding continues. Yet, it's been a scandalous and complicit time for the western church that has created an onslaught of victims, which I believe, has driven suffering people into the empathetic arms of progressives.

And they went there because we failed them.

As the all too terrible analogy goes, the church bus has driven over many, leaving a trail of bodies behind it, as it barrels towards it's own vision of glorious self-made revival and prosperity. What happen's to the bodies left behind? Often, they're ignored, exiled and offered little understanding or care.

Is this not the greater concern? How prevalent it is that our current church models chew up and spit out people at alarming rates? I mean, our reputation in the larger culture is in the gutter. And we put it there. Do we really understand that yet? The progressive's didn't stain our reputation. Us church folk's did. Church leaders who lost the plot and forgot that the ministry of the church is not about power and influence or fame and productivity but about the humble task of washing feet, making disciples, feeding and caring for the sheep, serving the poor and loving our neighbor. We've made church life about big numbers, perfect lighting, slick videos, trendy branding and emotional experiences above being still and knowing God.

And when we model and practice a faith that is all about a look of godliness without the sacrificial actions of godliness, than we mimic the compassionless and hypocritical example of the pharisees. We act as they did; never stepping into the muck of peoples real lives to offer care - never breaking our smooth methods in order to address the sick.

You want to know the real reason we're allergic to empathy? It's because in order to practice it you absolutely must slow down and step outside of yourself. Empathy and compassion is inherently self-sacrificing. And thats a pain in the butt when you've got things to do and places to go. When you have a tight schedule, filled with important tasks and ambitious goals. Putting all that business on pause in order to enter in to someones grief and pain is kind of annoying. Where's the productivity in that? And what if that person has a problem with me? That's even worse! In turn, what christians end up asking suffering people to do is toughen up, stop being such a baby, pull up them bootstraps and get on with it. This has been the prevailing evangelical message of the day. Don't be a snowflake - empathy is weak - get on with it.

But I believe, had we practiced empathy and compassion as Paul teaches to begin with, the church wouldn't be bleeding people into the safety of progressivism. Had we been self-sacrificing and not self-centered, we wouldn't have modelled to the sheep to do the same.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more

significant than yourselves. ~ Philippians 2:3

Now we find ourselves in a place where we have to undo the problems we've created. And to blame the overuse of empathy as being the culprit to church problems is like blaming a child for the parents divorce. Not only does it not live in reality, it's a careless diagnosis of ourselves and our trouble with sin. It's lazy discernment. Which is unacceptable. To discern takes work. It requires parsing it out; slowing down, and looking at the whole picture.

Personally, the vast majority of the ministry folks I have known openly admit that compassion is a weakness. Although this is anecdotal evidence, it still begs the question, is empathy really a legitimate problem? I don't think so. I think we are. As always, our sin is the issue here.

Our pride, our impatience, our idols. When we fail to be like our Father in Heaven, who is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love (Psalm 145:8), then the people in our care go find love somewhere else. When we fail to be like Christ who is not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15), we chase people away from Christ. And why? Because we're scared of being - gasp - progressive? No. Instead to live like Jesus is to see people as he saw them.

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” ~ Matthew 9:35-38

If we long to be workers of the harvest, doing the work of God, we must understand that the work is broken people. Souls! Stained, difficult, weak, sinful souls. It's loving, caring for, bearing patiently with, having compassion on, being gracious to, wayward, helpless sheep who are desperate for a shepherd.

If we did as Bonhoeffer tells us we should do - to regard people in light of what they suffer - we would do as Jesus did. And in doing so, we'd humanize people beyond their potential for productivity or beyond the ways they can serve our purposes. We'd treat them as image-bearers first, and provide them with loving arms attached to minds that obey the Lord. And then maybe, just maybe, no self-centered church bus would run them over and force them to go looking for care somewhere else.

What a shame it would be if we handed empathy and compassion over to progressives and called it theirs. Instead, we ought to reclaim it and finally practice it as Jesus did in the most ultimate way, when he became flesh - literally entering our feelings and pain - died the death we deserve, and suffered for us, so that we wouldn't have to.

There is no better example of an empath, than our suffering Saviour Jesus Christ.

And he's not a progressive; he's God.