"A man without self-control
is like a city broken into and left without walls."
Proverbs 25:28
It felt like it was day 1000 of the drought and I'd peaked with anxiety. The river was almost completely dry and so was my spirit. I wrote a whole angsty post about it here. My expectations for a cool and rainy Fall dried up along with the river by mid October. There was nothing I could do to get rid of the smoke from forest fires that was causing all kinds of problems. I just had to endure it. And I hated it.
This is not even close to the first time I've been riddled with frustration over lack of control. And it won't be the last.
The whole idea of control is so sneaky. In fact it's an utter lie. And I'm not talking about the responsible ways we are supposed to exert authority and discipline, like in parenting or work or general life choices. I'm talking about the big stuff. And sometimes the little stuff. It's any stuff that we hyper-focus on trying to manipulate and dominate for our own benefit.
If you were raised in the West like me, you probably have just as many control issues as I do. We've always had everything we need, plus more. And when you have a lot, you have a lot to lose. Which makes the desire for control so much more necessary. But the need for control is birthed out of fear. Fear of losing the prefect conditions we're so accustomed to. As a result the only way to protect all that we have, is to try and control it. Our affluence has made us this way.
In ancient times and really up until the beginning of the 20th century, the only thing consistent in life was it's unpredictability. For many reasons people in those times lived each day with an understanding that their way of life was temperamental. Having full years of drought and famine they became accustomed to uncertainty. All of a sudden they'd have to endure mass illness and watch their loved ones die. Travel was completely incalculable, especially by sea. Storms could rise or sickness could sweep the ship. There was no specific timing you could hope for. Nothing was sure. Most prominently the government. In fact, governing authorities were awful most of the time. And everyone lived in constant wonder when a new law or tax or expectation would come down and wallop individual families and whole communities.
This was their way of life. And is now, for so many countries around the world. Each day is a true step of faith into the unknown. Now this doesn't mean ancient civilizations didn't struggle with control or trust in the Lord. But when we sit back and compare their way of life up against our modern way of life, it's a note-worthy difference. They truly needed spiritual help. And we don't.
At least, we don't think we do.
No matter how devout you are in your faith, modern civilization affords us a way of life that allows for less need for spiritual help. We watched this reality unfold inside ourselves when a world-wide pandemic forced varying degree's of affliction into our otherwise comfortable lives. Some struggled more than others, but everyone experienced relational or financial strains and the on-going fear of unpredictability. Sadly, it was the church family that splintered and stretched and broke.
It was tense. And for some, it still is.
We are not used to being inconvenienced. We are used to getting our way pretty quickly and seamlessly. The grocery store is always stocked and the gym is always open. Until it isn't. Then the need for control becomes paramount.
Even now as I sit and write, my neighbours dog is outside my window barking. This has become a daily routine. He stands there and he barks. And barks and barks. For literal hours. As you can imagine, this has greatly impacted my ability to think straight. I spent the last two months reconfiguring and curating a calm and aesthetically pleasing office for me to write in. Which is now situated by a crying dog. It's a small inconvenience. Very small. But that hasn't stopped me from grouchily pacing my house, ranting internally about all the ways I've been put-out. As the barks continue so does my impassioned and irritable desire for justice. How can I control this situation? I'm a petulant child.
My need to control every uncomfortable situation has only added more suffering in my life. This is what the lie of control does to us. It add's unnecessary suffering.
We believe that if we do all the right things - plan ahead, have a savings account, make lots of money or in my case, create a perfect writing space, then all our expected comforts will be there for us when we need them. Our culture preaches this message constantly. Hustle, boss-up and work hard to curate a perfect life for yourself! Thats the only way you will get what you want and ultimately have assurance that you'll suffer as little as possible.
Christians have internalized this message and have unintentionally encouraged a works-based, health/wealth faith that trades good works and deep faith for the Lord's blessing. So, if I study my Bible, work hard at my job and tithe a lot of money - God will protect my family, thwart any serious suffering, maintain my wealthy lifestyle and keep all the relationships in my life peaceful. And it's not just the glossy mega church's, ready for their close up that fall prey to this.
It's a default for all of us.
Even us with "good" theology. It's us with food in our fridge, running water in our taps, comfy beds to sleep in, and TV's in our living room. We - with much. The prosperous.
We love control.
But when God doesn't hold up His end of the bargain and there's a drought or a world-wide pandemic or a whiney dog barking. When the vote didn't go our way or our child is being disobedient or the culture of godlessness seems to be winning - Our need to take the reigns from the sovereign God of the universe who ordained these outcomes, becomes essential.
Because if I could be given dominance, things would be better and I could definitely manage that power just fine.
Which is exactly what Eve thought.
When we look at the first sin ever to enter creation, it is one of attempting to take control. Eve was deceived by the serpent, not just because she desired to have her own personal enlightenment. But so that she could experience what it would be like to be God. To know all things, and therefore have dominion in and of herself. Control. Before the world was ever scary and unstable, humans have coveted dominance. And before people had ever given into sin, Satan knew what would lure the human heart away from trusting in the Lord's ultimate supremacy.
Eve had everything she needed. It just wasn't enough.
God has never encouraged us to be control-seekers. He's only ever asked that we trust His good and perfect Will. And as you read the whole of Scripture you see Him remind his people that we are but a mist. Here today and gone the next. A vapor can't control what tomorrow brings (James 4:13-17, Proverbs 27:1).
When Job lost everything he held dear and was understandably steeped in grief, he engaged in discussions with friends over the validity of God's unknowable ways. They went back and forth with mostly human reasoning on the subject. Until the Lord spoke in chapter 38. God answers Jobs cries of confusion with a lofty diatribe of his ultimate sufficiency.
Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place?
Can you raise your voice to the clouds and cover yourself with a flood of water?
Who do we think we are, believing we have any control over anything?
Listen, everyday we are made known of some imminent danger in the world around us.
Right now - depending on who you listen to - you've heard a thousand different ways major trouble is right around the corner. We are at great risk of a water crisis, famine, earth quakes (the big one) and various natural disasters, a government dictatorship, a war with multiple countries, civil-war and financial collapse.
That's a lot.
And we sure do have a lot to lose if any number of those dangers become reality. And they might. Yet there is one thing that can never be taken from us.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35-39
If only this assurance of the Lords love outweighed every nagging anxiety of earthly loss.
How do we counteract our fears and need for control? I believe we use those impulses to restrict the only thing we can - and thats ourselves. Self-control is the only control God asks us to manage. Then He takes care of the rest.
When we finally come to terms with that simple reality, we can speak truth to lies. We can tell that pesky urge to have dominion over people or circumstances, that the only rule and reign necessary is that which the Holy spirit can provide for our own sinful souls. We can bridle ourselves with the fruits of the Spirit and govern our impulses with the grace of Christ.
All we have control over is how we respond to the unpredictable situations around us. We can burst into anger and bitterness or anxiety and fear. We can be like our matriarch Eve and desire God's supremacy for ourselves. Or we can embody Christ. Be infused by the Spirit and model love and joy, peace and patience, kindness and goodness, faithfulness and self-control.
If our actions were motivated out of that kind of good faith, we'd be far more pleasing to the Lord and productive in a complex world. We'd also be a non-anxious witness in deeply nerve-racking times. Which is what the people of God should be. Oh, how I wish I were that kind of witness. I need the Lord's help. And you probably do also.
Let us never conduct ourselves as though we don't need spiritual help.
As the pressures of concern tear at the seams of your soul and cause you to question the sufficiency of the Lord, remember your temporary place on earth. Reflect on His promise to never leave nor forsake you and meditate on His never-ending love for you. Put off all self-righteous desires for dominance and surrender to God. Do the hard-work of rooting out the spoiled need for an easy life and take comfort in the ultimate inheritance you have in Christ.
Then, with His help and by His grace, control only yourself.
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
2 timothy 1:7
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